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Black Fox Absinthe

Aug. 13th, 2015 | 06:40 pm

Hey everyone,

sorry for the lack of activity lately; I've been working on multpile projects for some time now, both private and with several business partners. Time to stop for a second and share some of that stuff!

I had the pleasure to work for a high quality Absinthe manufacturarer some time ago and it is finally up for sale! The Brand's name is "Black Fox" and there was only one choice for me in terms of who should cover the label:

...I still find it kinda surreal (in the most awesome way, though) that i would see Whisper covering an official label for Absinthe one day. Destiny surely has its ways, man. 8F

If you feel like saying Cheers to the green Fox fairy at some point, go check it out and/or buy it here:
Order Absinthe Black Fox

Yours truly,

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Movie Talk: Jurassic World (with a special Raptor Nod)

Jun. 14th, 2015 | 01:11 pm

(might contain light spoilers. I did my best to keep those minimised or otherwise mark them. Enjoy!)

Haven't had a movie review/babble for quite some time! And now that i've watched the fourth installment of the Jurassic Park franchise i felt like doing something like that again. Why Jurassic World? Because it's the bloody Jurassic Park franchise, man. I bloody LOVE Jurassic Park, may it be the book or the movies. The original movie is kind of holy to me (yes, with all its derp moments and Spielberg kinks, but man, it is still a masterpiece okay and its groundbreaking CG effects still keep up if not even look better than some of the shit we're so used to see today. And yes, i'm also one of the few persons who also loved the „Lost World“-sequel with all its quirks. I just find the third one awful) so this one was kinda important to me - even more so since i went to cinema with strong, mixed emotions.

Because yes – i was, in fact, super doubtful about it when the first rumours spread. Still having the awful Jurassic Park 3 bomb in mind and being not a great enthusiast of sequels in general (as most of them tend to be just bad) i wasn't sure if i actually wanted to see another Jurassic Park installment in the first place. Another „people run from dinos and get eaten“? Sigh. Been there. Another „CG in your face“? Yawn. Done that.

But as more and more got revealed and the first teasers came out, there would suddenly be curiosity and actual interest to join my general feeling of doubts. The actual park being realised, 20 years later, just like Hammond once imagined it? That didn't feel like just another bad sequel as the third one. That actually felt like something with the slight potential of, more than anything else, being an actual homage to the original. Okay then, let's give it a chance, i thought. Let's see what they did.

And truth be told: It was a homage with many humble bows to the original in many ways, and not a bad one as that (not as bad as the third installment at any rate).

In fact, i actually had a pretty good time watching it.

Was it a perfect movie or as good as the original one? No, of course not.
Did it have flaws? Oh, you bet it has! I found the majority of the characters quite mediocre for example. Unlike the original Jurassic Park, where every character was fleshed out and so unique (man, i even couldn't simply hate on Nedry/Newman because...“Ah ah ah! You didn't say the magic word!“), with Jurassic World it was just....meh. That bad fat InGen-guy: Forgettable. The two boys: Not really memorable. The new dino hybrid monster: Not worth mentioning. Though, seeing Omar Sy was quite the nice surprise, Sy's awesome. And Dr. Wu definitely was another surprise that kinda felt like meeting an old „friend“ again (though, „friend“ is a relative term considering everything that's revealed about this character here, especially at the very end. Also, random Jimmy Fallon cameo, wth).Did it have over the top silly moments? Pfsh, you have no idea! Especially the last third was so full of Wambo!-CG that i had to think of Peter Jackson's King Kong for a moment (not to mention a kissing scene, so awfully kitschy and cliché that i had a hard time believing they actually did that)

And yet, it also has moments that i really begin to like this movie for. It has these bows and nods to the original, little things that make me just pleased.

Or even not so little things like the literal comeback of the one and only T-Rex at the near end of it all (the way getting there being a great and super-satisfying homage itself; GO, rocket flare!), where it gives the newest antagonist in the line, the Indominus Bitch hybrid, the glory by reminding us all who is and always has been the real OG in the whole franchise. In fact, that scene felt like as if the makers wanted to apologise for the disgrace the T-Rex had to take in the third movie, where it was ingloriously killed off by the Spinosaurus just like that and make „things right“ again (don't get me wrong – i also love the Spino, but seeing T-Rex getting owned like that was something that i couldn't bear with for the longest of time).

And then...the raptors. The <i>raptors</i>!

That's what really got me here and what i actually wanted to share my thoughts about in the first place. The raptors (or the Raptor Squad, as they are better known in the Internet). Prepare for some dedicated babbling about my lifelong raptor love. You've been warned.

No, i won't drop the tiring „but-they-are-scientifically-so-inaccurate!!“-bomb, because, seriously; this issue has been brought up so often by now and we all know that raptors actually had feathers and so on, blablabla. I actually stopped caring about that in this case for quite some time because i see the Jurassic Park raptors as simple movie creatures, just like i'd see any other animal from an animal horror film as a movie creature and honestly – as simple movie creatures/monsters, i love these raptors just as much as i loved them back in the 90s. They never meant to be accurate here, so why bother.

A part of the reason that makes Jurassic Park so dear to me is that it not only sparked my enthusiam for dinosaurs in general (like it did with so many i'm sure) but my absolute love for the dromaeosaurids. And although the movie's top seller always was the T-Rex, it were the raptors that would have a special place in my heart. For me, they were the real secret stars of the whole franchise.

I don't know why exactly, but actually, i always found the raptors to be so much more terrifying than a T-Rex or the later Spino (or, the new Indominus Bitch). With the first film, it wasn't the incoming T-Rex with her skill to make waves appear inside a water glass that make me shudder. No. It was that claustrophobic kitchen scene to give me nightmares. Later, with the second movie, it also didn't take a pair of T-Rex to freak me out. No. It was that goddamn terrifying bird view on men running through high grass, approached by silent and deadly raptor silhouettes. Again – i would get dreams of that, one of them being so intense that i actually still remember it nowadays, so many years later (i was running through the night forest, hiding behind trees from these raptors, pumped with adrenalin (me, mind you, not the raptors)).

I still fail trying to figure out why i feel that way. Perhaps it is the raptor's medium size combined with their speed, stealthiness and intelligence. A Jurassic Park T-Rex sure has an impressive size and mouth, but you can hear it long before it appears and it can't follow you into a kitchen or cellar. A Jurassic Park raptor can.

While the main big dino-antagonist would change in each installment (first one being a T-Rex, second one two of them, third one a Spino and the fourth one featuring a fantasy hybrid. Notice how the makers raise the Sayan power level with each movie), it was the raptors to be the only real constant thing, and at that, having a prominent role/appearance in each movie. They didn't just serve as the secondhand bad guys of somesuch. They were the ones to open doors, the ones with that certain hissing sound, that would make an Ian Malcolm freeze with horror in the sequel and an Alan Grant majorly think about in the (horrorful) third movie. They always had this one big, terrifying, major part. And i just loved that. So it's only natural that i had some of the biggest concerns about the raptors and their role in the newest film.

The first time i saw the Raptor Squad running beside Star Lord in the teasers, i was extremely unsure whether i could buy that. Trained raptors? Why would you even train them in the first place? Those things can bite your head off after all (and no, i see lions and tigers as a complete different pair of shoes). It just seemed like such an odd idea. Another thing that concerned me about this was that this move could possibly take away that „something“ that made the Jurassic Park raptors so frightening – seeing them all trained and with names (though, i dig these names. „Echo“, what an awesome choice to call a raptor!)

But as soon as they appeared on screen – i was hooked.

The way they looked up to Star Lord, feeding them and clicktraining them; I couldn't help but go all OMG JUST LOOK AT THEM inside. Sure, i still had my concerns about the whole thing through-out the most part of the movie (until the last 30 minutes where the kind of twists would kick in and convince me/take over my emotions), but it was drowned out by my sheer sympathy for how the raptors just acted. And well yeah – then, there were these twists coming in – the first and than the second. And boy, these scenes involved, mashed together with Star Lords relationship to „his“ animals were actually some of the most heartfelt of the whole movie, making me going from „Aw noo!“(surprised-this-is-bad-tone) to „Aw man“ (empathetic-tone) to „AW NOOOOO!“ (protesting-tragic-don't-die-tone).

„Raptors to the rescue“. „Blue to the rescue“. Boy, i could have squealed with joy at the whole thing (i'm sure that with the raptors, this could also be seen as quite the fanservice moment of some sorts but oh God, did it work out for me. Because yes, me, with being a person loving raptors so much, it filled my heart with the biggest delight to see Blue, the Beta animal going „HEY BITCH“ at the Indominus critter, having this total badass moment – and coming to the rescue, kicking it's ass and helping out the T-Rex in that big showdown fight. Ahhh. Hhnnng. YES. Gimme).

All i can say is that i ended up admiring how the raptors turned out here, which is a reaction that i would have never thought of me, especially for this movie. It was unexpected and new. It could have backfired pretty much and i'm certain that for some people it will backfire, but it worked really great for me. Again, i just love how the raptors always had and still have this constant part in every Jurassic Park movie and how they undergo that sort of evolution and development in each film. In this one, the makers took them to yet another level and i like how they made it. The raptors, in fact, still are terrifying. But in addition to that, they became much more: Unpredictable, dangerous, fierce – but also daring, dedicated, even likeable at times.
They're real characters here.

So much on the Raptor Squad. Final Verdict? I bloody love the raptor subplot. Needless to say that I might draw them once in a while.

Lastly, even though being so relatively positively surprised (now that this movie exists, we can all pretend that the third one never existed); i would not mind this one to be the last Jurassic Park installment. As a homage to the original, it did well and i think it would do even better to find a completion here. It would be a good one.

Though, Dr. Wu getting away with that „deal“ that he addressed before he gets off with his helicopter i fear that this could conclude to yet another sequel. If so, i just wonder: What next? After Indominus Rex, it will be hard to find yet another creature to hit over 9000.

Gray, the younger brother from the kids said: „We need more teeth!“

And i am wondering. Do we really?

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Identity Theft

Apr. 27th, 2015 | 02:56 am

A little announcement.
Or WARNING, if you will.

I won't loose too many words and will just get straight to the point:

There exists a person on the Internet who does impersonate me; they are not only using an email address which is almost identical to mine (theirs is culpeofox@hotmail.com but MINE is culpeofox@hotmail.de), they are also using parts of my real name and scam people who are looking to buy the Skat Deck - and accidentally sent their inquiry/payment to the wrong mail address.

I found out about it through such a customer who contacted the wrong address.

Bad enough, one might think. But i think the moment i really began to feel nauseated was when the customer would show me screenshots of these mails that the impersonator would reply with: basically using a bunch of culpeorisms like i would always use them in private notes or mails (therefore, i have the notion that this person is someone who had contact with me or bought something from me before, hence their knowledge of my real name). Ergo: Someone who would really and actively impersonate the very me, stealing money and misuse the trust of unaware customers under a wrong name. My name.

...as you all may know i've dealt with a colourful bunch of examples of art theft all these years, plenty of it - and impersonators as well (there are like three "Culpeo Fox" people on Twitter for example, and don't get me started on sites like Facebook, etc.). But THIS takes the whole identity theft-issue to a new level. I don't even feel the amount of anger and incrompehension anymore when i only think about it. I will never understand how utterly low some ass can get and do such bullshit. I just. Don't. Get it (and even worse than that, i've already seen the fake email mentioned on some sites in relation to my art. I mustn't think about how many people trustingly contacted the wrong address and got either scammed or just completely misused/hoaxed by that fake asshole).

Therefore, to all my watchers and those who are ever planning to purchase art/card games/commissions/etc. or just want to get in contact with me via mail:

MY official email address is culpeofox@hotmail.de. It is the ending with the .de (standing for "Deutschland", meaning Germany). If it doesn't end with the .de you can be sure that it'll be a fake one.

To the impersonator:
Fuck you. Really, fuck you.

Culpeo Fox (the actual one),
over and out.

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New Book Announcement Plus A Phisi In Spore

Jan. 29th, 2015 | 06:33 pm

(no trolling this time, i promise)

Gotta make a new announcement!
Quite some time ago, Brad Honeycutt (who is like...the expert on optical illusions, having published a bunch of books around that theme already) got my permission to use some art of mine in his next book; and Eureka, it is out by now!

Find my work titled Haunted in
The Art Of Deception: Illusions To Challenge The Eye And Mind:




The book features a great collection of beautiful optical illusions of all kinds from artists of all kinds.

You can order a copy from Amazon:
The Art Of Deception by Brad Honeycutt on Amazon

Be sure to stop and look through it if you happen to see it in your bookstore, there are some really awesome images in there. :)

That said, i now totally need to make a feature here.

Rebecca208 was so crazy to actually model my little virus Phisi in Spore:


Be sure to check out the video from the process below, because it's fucking awesome fff.




Alrigt, i think that was it. 8D

Take care and stay tuned!

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Another note on respect and privacy

Oct. 12th, 2014 | 06:07 pm

Something that upsets me even more than all the tracing (and that i also spied on Russian sites on a regular basis in particular) - is the open discussions about my very person. People posting screenshots of my private mails in public (....seriously, what is wrong with you guys? Have you ever heard of privacy and the very meaning of it? You simply don't DO such things, for simple common decency and it really upsets me to see these things actually happen. It's one thing to post a screenshot of something i wrote in public. It is a COMPLETE different matter to post a sceenshot of something that i sent you in all privacy). People discussing whether i'm this or that, where i live, when i was born, how old i am (all the dates you see around are wrong by the way. Do you really think i would post that stuff in public? Seeing what people do with the fake info already is, most sadly, confirmation enough), what my real name is, how i go to the loo. Etc. etc.

There is my public me and there is the private me and I alone decide where i draw the lines at that. When i talk about my ealiest childhood memories, it is my decision to do so. But it's also my decision when i won't tell you the exact date of my birth and you have to accept and repect that. Period.

Sigh. I'm tired of posting those journals. I'm tired of bellyaching about such things all the time as i would love to rather talk about other, nicer things, babble-journals and art - but this shit keeps going and going and i'm tired of explaining it to every person coming along. I would most likely rather stumble over screenshots of such mails again. Can you blame me for hesitating to reply any Russian mails ever again when such things happen?

The worst of it all, though, is this affects people who actually are reasonable. People, who actually know a thing or two about respect, who understand my points and it is not fair to them as well since the behavior of all those idiots also has an impact on them.

I wonder sometimes.....can't you just enjoy my art?

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The everlasting fairytale of Stealing and Tracing

Sep. 17th, 2014 | 12:28 am

The following is a selected collection of all the examples Skia and I found on a Russian site called VK.
All of these examples are traces, replications and copies of the artworks of mine and Skia, or otherwise altered, alienated, used and spread WITHOUT ANY permission. Enjoy!

Original: http://skia.deviantart.com/art/Creativity-69171931

Original: http://skia.deviantart.com/art/Fly-154714730

Original: http://culpeo-fox.deviantart.com/art/Want-some-Fun-152791962

Original: http://www11.pic-upload.de/07.09.14/cbqrwi4h6u6c.jpg

Original: http://culpeo-fox.deviantart.com/art/Time-139591883

Original: http://culpeo-fox.deviantart.com/art/i-feel-pretty-oh-so-pretty-73016891?q=sort%3Atime%20gallery%3ACulpeo-Fox&qo=756

Original: http://culpeo-fox.deviantart.com/art/Skat-of-Foxes-Card-game-144197448

Original: http://skia.deviantart.com/art/Haha-166700813

Original: http://culpeo-fox.deviantart.com/art/Don-t-you-need-some-love-112563728

Original: http://culpeo-fox.deviantart.com/art/Take-the-pencil-159585728

Original: http://skia.deviantart.com/art/Lalala-145610166

Original: http://skia.deviantart.com/art/His-First-Mouse-167632010

Original: http://culpeo-fox.deviantart.com/art/Want-some-Fun-152791962

Originals: http://skia.deviantart.com/art/I-see-YOU-126501573

(found an a Russian LJ-account with other collected stitching patterns)
Original: http://skia.deviantart.com/art/Fox-Cubs-101829557

And, the most recent addition: Some kind of book with traced illustrations.


....and this was only a selected collection. We have a whole folder of those and find new additions to this bizarre collection everyday and on a regular basis. We leave it to you to imagine our feelings towards it.

Therefore, a little reminder again:
We generally have nothing against it if you use our art for personal pleasures (that does NOT include commercial use!), like tattoos, bad quality prints coming from your in-house production, stitching, etc - as long as you ask us for permission first. And if you don't, then we would appreciate it if you could at least leave some credit to the original.
Now, what to do if you found our pictures on the internet and have no idea about the owner or its origin? Simply leave it the way it is, don't even think of using it.

Dear tracers. You know who you are and i won't address any of you in person. But know that we, the orginal artists know and see what you do. It's up to you. Continue what you do and you can be certain that I, Culpeo Fox, lost all my respect for you since you obviously also don't show any respect for us and our original work.


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Lea Halalela

Aug. 24th, 2014 | 08:42 pm

Our cinema is currently having a kind of movie festival in which it shows all different kinds of great and old movies again (like The Godfather, Breakfast At Tiffany's, The Graduate, etc...i still hope that they'll also show Jurassic Park once more since i missed its re-release last year, ARGH). Yesterday, it was The Lion King and i thought "Oh come on, let's give it a shot", because i simply was in the mood.

Picture 6

...i wasn't prepared for the emotion that would get me in in the process (for the Lion King is not my favourite Disney flick. Don't get me wrong, though, i still like it a lot!). As soon as the sun rise appeared, Lebo M.'s voice echoed through the room and the opening began rolling, i actually bursted out into tears, yes.

I don't even know. I guess it was just the fact to see a...beautiful animated classic on the big screen again, without any 3D, without  the typical soft-boiled CG-look that everyone is used to nowadays. I absorbed every frame, every imperfect twitching and changing of the inbetweens and loved every bit of it. It's such a shame that we don't see these kinds of animated movies in cinema anymore, where all the brilliance of this form of art truly shines.

But perhaps it also was the fact that i was sitting there all alone in the hall, the only one to watch it. As if no one even cared anymore.

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About Lester (or: The WTF Les Advice Meme)

Aug. 9th, 2014 | 01:52 am

Long time no entry! Awful, because theoretically, there are so many themes and topics that i prepared (for such a long time!) and that i want to talk about but as always - time is and always was quite the luxury.

Aynway, i'm tired of seeing the last entry, so it was time for something new.

We all (or the internet generation at least) know those advice memes. And even if you had never heard of them, you will most likely recognise them if you see one.

Long story short: I had fun in making some with (or rather, about) Lester, one of my best known canon characters. The idea behind it? A (humoristic) character study actually, derp. D8

Because if you can make fun of your character like this, debunking all his quirks, deficits and flaws, you will see how believable and real he actually is - or not. For example, are you unsure if you have created a Mary Sue? Try this, that'll show.

Btw: "Brother" and "Morris" are referring to the same person; i did those between some weeks, hence the inconstancy with some words, duh.)













Feel free to try this with your own characters and cheers! (There also is one with Morris, but that may follow in another one. :P)

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About (kinda) stolen names and identities

Mar. 31st, 2014 | 04:16 am

Alright, since i got about two notes of people asking me about this matter by now, i feel that this is something that should be briefly addressed.

To make it perfectly clear:
NO, i am NOT Culpeo Wolf, the person who was seen on Dr. Phil lately. I don't like wolves, i'm not a furry, i am not American.

But I am:
Culpeo Fox. The one who pretty much brought the word „Culpeo“ to the world wide web (aside from Wikipedia, that is) since most people had no idea this was an actual fox species back then, prompting dozens to actually ask me whether this word/name was made up by myself.

All these others: Culpeo Wolf, Culpeo Rat, TheDarkCulpeo, CulpeoFox1, CulpeoFoxElizabeth and whatever else their names are came after me. I would lie if said that it doesn't irk me in a way. No, i didn't patent the word „Culpeo“, for it is an actual species of fox, as mentioned above and people will choose their names how they feel. And yet...whenever i see another „Culpeo“ popping up, it feels like someone stole my identity. Dr. Phil actually is the best example for that. People see this Culpeo Wolf person and might search for „Culpeo“ via Google. Tadaa, the majority of picture results are MINE and God knows that there are enough people who would stop their research right here, believing things that aren't true, mixing up the both of us. Now, it's up to you to combine. Do you see the issue that's irking me there?

The thing with people taking over my name is something that bothers me for quite a while now, all the more since i see them popping up everyhwere lately. Search for Culpeo Fox on Facebook for example and you will find a bunch of different persons with that name, some of them even claiming to be me. What the flying Hia. I just don't understand this sentiment behind it at all.

Anyway. Therefore, here a little overview of my internet presence. I am on:
Deviantart (Main Account)
Deviantart (Taxidermy Account, hosted with Skia)
Livejournal (Main Account)
Livejournal (Fox Book Account)

This is all me and this is the real me. All the other "Culpeos" you might find, may it be on Twitter, Facebook, or whatever else, aren't.

I'm sorry for this kinda weird journal entry, but i really felt the urge to clarify that.

Best wishes,
Culpeo, the original (and i know how haughty this might appear right now, but seriously - please try to understand my point of view here.)
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German Stereotypes

Aug. 29th, 2013 | 04:05 am

(How to make your movie villain more badass?
Easy. Make him German. 8D)

You probably know this situation: You need to do serious stuff, work on very important things, or simply get your shit done. Then you turn on the scourge for mankind a.k.a the Internet because you're a master of procrastination and want to look up something. Just for a moment.
After reading a Wikipedia article about sharks, two hours later you end up with a site about how to build bombs. Or watching cute animal videos. Most likely both.
With me, it were neither sneezing pandas nor bombs but Disney songs on Youtube. From time to time i just feel the urge to cherish some good old childhood nostalgia again and what would be better for that than watching openings of the old tv-shows you loved or the ever popular songs from Disney, Dreamworks and friends? Disney songs in particular are perfect for that.
After a while and because i mostly see the links on the right, i continue with Disney songs sung in other languages for shits and giggles. Top comments from Non-Germans on German Versions?

- Ugh, just listen how aggressive it sounds
- Whoah, in German even the most light-hearted song sounds harsh
- Lol, German, HEIL HITLER, lololol!
- Etc.

And you will always find at least one of these under every German Disney Song since the „everything's German harsh and angry"-saying is one of the most popular prejudices about good old Germany...well...besides the infamous Nazicrap of course.
Instead of being insulted i always rather find these surprisingly amusing and interesting because it reflects so perfectly how many (in fact, teenage!) people still stick to this kind of stereotypes. And Germany – without a doubt thanks to her history – seems to be one of the most favoured countries when it comes to those clichés. After reading through these comments on Youtube i felt kind of inspired to look around and collect even more of these; i recalled the true stories that i, being German myself, experienced with Non-German people (many of them Americans) and their views – and the list that resulted is quite impressive. And since most of my watchers here are not from Germany but all over the world i thought it might be interesting to some of you if i'd give you a few insiders regarding these and talk a little about them.

(Keep in mind, though, that i rather speak about the average and for myself than for a whole nation and thus draw upon my own experiences)

And how to begin it better than with one of the most common stereotypes about Germans that i already mentioned in the preface:

„The German language is a throated snake language. Germans always sound harsh, angry and ugly"
Wrong. Definitely. Wrong.
Now while i absolutely disagree with that (and i may also explain later why) i still do see where this stereotype is coming from and the reasons of its persistence.
One thing, i believe, is the spelling of grouped consonants like the guttural ch-sounds in the German language – a very common sound that reminds you of a hissing snake or cat and which frankly is quite feared among native English speakers who try to learn German and i suppose that this unusual pronouncation of ch, st, pf, sp, etc.  is what makes German sound kind of harsh and clipped in comparison to the English language which has indeed a much more mellow, gliding feel.

The other thing is only my very own theory but also the crucial one: Usually, kids get their first contact of the world beyond their own country in school when learning a little about Geography and History – and when it comes to German History we all know what part takes the biggest cake – Adolf Hitler and his attempt to fuck things up with WW2. I think i don't have to mention that he was a majorfuck of a megalomaniac moron – because there is so much footage of his speeches that all reflect his insanity: He yells, snarls, croaks, forcefully rolls every R and gnarls in a way that it is impossible not to shudder while listening. And why, yes, the words he's shouting just happen to be German. With such a (first) impression it is no surprise that many kids and people in general get the idea that the German language is indeed frightening.
Fact is, though: NO normal German talks the way Hitler does. No one (Hitler's way of babbling actually is so diverge from the norm and unique in its own morbid way that every German can tell for instance that it's him when someone impersonates his talking style). My belief is that Hitler and his speech impressions are partly responsible for this notion that Germans yell every word they say and snarl all the way through, which is not true.

Look at this video for example:

I'm not insulted but totally shit my pants everytime i see it because it plays so ridiculously awesome with stereotypes that you just have to laugh for the shits and giggles. On the other hand you should keep in mind, though, that this is exactly what it is: Stereotypes over the top in every way and nothing else. The German guy is the only one who intentionally exaggerates his spelling compared to the others – no wonder that the German words (which are different enough from the other examples) sound awfully aggressive. Now, take one of the other words like Aeroplane or Sorpresa and don't say them in a normal manner, but YELL them out instead and empathise every character just as the German bloke – it will sound just as harsh and aggressive. („AERROPPLANE!" D8<)

As said above i can see that German has indeed some characteristics that makes it less mellow than the English language for example – but the truth is that there really is nothing aggressive or harsh about it. At all.
It can be pretty intimidating for sure when you decide to verbally keelhaul some poor bitch but actually, you would be surprised of how gentle and melodic it can be; there is nothing comparable to a man who realises that he lost his heart to someone and tenderly whispers a soft-spoken „Ich liebe dich" in all devotion and honesty. Don't believe me? Check out the German dubbed version of Oldboy or The Prestige for example: Both movies are a journey through the German language with all its shades of different and genuine emotions just expressed with spoken words.

Now...there still is another thing that is related but surprises me. In contrary to all this hate about the German language that you usually see on the Internet i also spy a most curious beginning „trend" for German in recent times and i catch that on Deviantart in particular. Kids coming from all over the world who (similar to several annoying Animukids) sprinkle fragments of German in their comments, on their profile and whatever elsewhere. And i do wonder why; not in an offensive, haughty way but out of genuine curiosity. So many people apparently hate German so....where the heck is this coming from now? Is this a thing that derives from an honest fascination for the German language or do you use it just because it seems cool and badass to you? (if so, i might just let you know that Google Translator doesn't give a shit about any correct grammar; sometimes so bad that the translated stuff gets just unreadable for native speakers and German is a special pain in the ass when it comes to grammar - what kills a lot of the seriousness you may try to convey. Use Google Translator to translate a thing you don't know or to get a feeling about the content and sense of a foreign-language phrase. NEVER use it for the sake of copy-pasting it later somewhere because it seems hip. It's not.
Don't get me wrong: If you are truly fascinated and really want to learn a language – i find that awesome and i'm totally behind that. But don't fucking use Google Translator for everything – get some books and dictionaries, learn about the correct grammar first, take courses of the language you want to learn. Because only then you will be taken serious and not like some wannabe weeaboo-kawaii desu baka bla. :P)

„Germans are cold"
In the past there was a period when i spent some time of my life in Putney, England. Besides loving London by nature i will never forget how frigging nice and courteous those people were. There were complete strangers who would lead me the whole way to the Hotel after i only asked for a brief direction, people saying sorry when i was the one who bumped into them, shopkeepers who'd just talk with me about nonsense in a total loveable manner („Oh, you're from Germany? I do talk a little German, watch this: Hallo, uh...wie geht's?"...such a sweet fellow) and bus drivers who'd greet me and seemed so happy about everything.

….Total culture shock. 8D

If you compare German nature to those of British or Americans for example you could indeed argue that this is true – we Germans are not instant best friends forever with every random person we meet. We even can be neighbours for years and still remain total strangers to each other. And although every bus or train has double seats, you will notice that if Germans have to choose between an empty double seat and a double seat where one seat is taken already they will choose the full empty one (and i say „we" here since i not only experience that with other Germans a lot but because i also am totally just like that). Bus drivers in my hometown are the complete opposite of the happy-joy-ones that i met in England – total Grinches who don't give a shit about you and won't greet if you don't. The average German will avoid smalltalk if he can and only talk to strangers when he is directly addressed or somewhat involved and even then, he may be polite but still very aloof.

BUT i would also say that cold is not the right word for this. Instead of „cold" I'd rather say that Germans are much more reserved than others.

While it is true that we are warily polite instead of openly friendly and don't make friends so easily – if we make friends with someone, that certain someone can be sure that the trust is genuine and that we really mean it when we open ourselves. And without justifying anything i have to admit that i prefer an honest sympathy and trust much more than some random everyday friendliness that might be just fake and a mask according to expectation. We rather have a small number of really close friends we can rely on than being best buddies with every face that might cross our way.
So don't be disappointed or feel bad when a direct question like „Wanna be friends?" causes a German to backtrack first. Because it doesn't work that way. With Germans, friendship is something that has to grow and trust must be earned (keep in mind, though: I am talking about the average here. Speaking of reserve and healthy suspicion I for myself totally fit that category of what you may call a typical German but it always takes all sorts to make the world and therefore it is absolutely possible to come across a German who might be more „American" in such manners)

„Germans love Sauerkraut, Sausages and Beer"
Another popular prejudice, hence the word „Kraut".
About Sauerkraut: I hate it. Hate it hate it hate it HATE it. I can't eat it, it is impossible; and if i try it actually causes nausea – this is how much i can't stand it (though, i might be biased here since this is what i feel about most vegetables. I may sound like a stubborn child here but I can't help it. I'd really love to like vegetables but i simply can't stomach it. If you'd force me to eat a dish of asparagus, Sauerkraut and tomatoes OR a living worm – i'd take the worm). Therefore i find the term „Kraut" especially offensive (i don't eat that, come on! D8< calling me „Spaghetti" would be more accurate) – if you really feel the urge to call me something related on my German heritage use „Jerry" instead. *shrugs*

That is only me, though. What about other Germans?

While i find many older generations genuinely liking and eating Sauerkraut (a relative is such an example; 70 years old and loving „Sauerkraut und Bregenwurst" to the core.) i experience that most younger generations prefer the sort of food that is worshiped by everyone else on Tumblr: Pizza, McDonalds, Chips, Pommes, Noodles and cohorts. And if i ask those about Sauerkraut, the answer generally resembles my own: They'd eat it but i never heard that they'd love it.
So, to clear things up: Yes, Sauerkraut is a national dish but among younger generations it lost a lot of its popularity and is kind of outdated nowadays.

Sausages: Yeah, we like them (with the exception of vegans and vegetarians, i'd say). But honestly, i never noticed that Germans would eat more sausages than others. Kinda passed me.

Beer: It's true for most people i think. I love it (there actually exists some footage of me as a baby drinking it and i even seemed to be pretty yearning for it – not sure if that is such a good thing, though, ehem) and most Germans i know do so as well. Heck, i do have relatives whose job actually was brewing beer. So, with saying that the average German likes beer you're probably on the safe side.

„Germans wear Lederhosen"
Do you really think so?
The answer is no – we absolutely don't (the only „Lederhose" that i own is a black leathered thing that is more towards...."Hardrock/Metal Style" - and i only wear that one when i want to feel especially cool). Lederhosen is a Bavarian thing (and Bavaria is, as you hopefully all know, just a small part of Germany) - and even there it is only worn on special occasions. You have no idea about the amount of embarrasment you'd have to go through if you'd come to Germany and decide to wear Lederhosen everywhere. People would actually look at you like some kind of tourist attraction. 8D
Germans run around like everyone else, it is as boring as that. But even though we definitely do not wear Lederhosen, speaking of Bavaria it remained indeed a sign of regional pride and i guess it can be compared to the Scottish Kilt.

„Germans are crazy about the English language"
Yes, we are. And we are to such an extent that it appears almost sick, prompting some people to ironically call our language „Denglisch" (Deutsch (German) + English). 98% of all adverts do have at least ONE English word somewhere and it is said that native English speakers who travel to Germany would have no problem whatsoever to actually understand what's going on on adverts and the like.
The feelings about that are quite controversal. There are purists who damn the amount of English we use in the German language and predict its downfall. Others argue it would be just a sign of trend and zeitgeist – using anglicisms to be a cut above, like French or Latin used to be in past times. And there are even more arguments.
As for myself i seem to be stuck between all of these. I also find many anglicisms unnerving, especially when there already exists a  German word for it which works just as fine and the English one obviously is only used to sound hip.
On the other hand i believe that language is something that is constantly changing. Take the word „gay" for example. There were times when it actually meant nothing but „happy" or „joyful" (and it still appeared with that meaning in songs from West Side Story or Disney's Three Caballeros; keep in mind that these came out only about 50 years ago) – today, it's meaning changed into „homosexual". We're living in a time that is dominated by the Internet, we're globally connected like never before and just like technology, language also changes and evolves. It always did and i don't think that there's anything wrong about that (although i must admit that i'm a sucker for the stiff way of talking from the 19th century. Just had so much more style. Anyway, it makes you wonder how people might think about textspeak, „lol", „yolo", „swag" and all that jazz in 100 years.)

„Germans can't and won't speak English for the love of God"
This might appear a little contrary to the upper prejudice but actually is something that i myself witnessed many times whenever i spent my holidays in foreign land and would come across fellow countrymen. You know, this special kind of old fat geezers who wouldn't even try to speak English (or whatever language is spoken) but insist on their wishes in German and expect to be understood – because „Funununu, i'm doing my holidays here, i'm guest and king in your land, so obey, bitches". A relative is such an example of that kind and i could slap his face whenever he does that and acts like a douche because he is too lazy to learn at least a bit of English to get around a little better.
Anyway – while these unnerving individuals sure do exist it thankfully is just the minority. A good deal of Germans are in fact quite fluent in English, since it is a major subject in all schools right from the start (nowadays, being multilingual actually is obligation here. Getting a decent job and speaking only one language? Forget about it.)
Another reason for this prejudice also might be the thick German accent some of us may have when trying English (i had an English teacher who was a particular bad case. Dear God, Klaus from American Dad sounds like an all perfect american angel compared to that dude's fat accent). An english talking German sounds funny for sure but which accent doesn't? Making fun of a German individual who can't properly say „squirrel"? Try saying „Eichhörnchen" for a change and then we can go on talking. ;)

„Germans are punctual"
Yes, we are. There is a popular saying in German that goes somewhat  like „better one hour too early than 30 minutes too late" - and it's true. If you're on a date or meeting with Germans, you better make sure to be there just in time (some of the worst things one can do to me actually is standing me up without calling me, noting me or letting me know otherwise. I simply hate it to wait for someone who's late on a fixed date). One of the many reasons why we hate our train system called „Deutsche Bahn" (for which – despite being German - punctuality ironically seems to be a word of foreign origin).
But it's not only the time. We are punctual in any other situation. The average German loves to structure his day, making plans, To-Do-Lists and sticks to even the smallest of rules (and even though i for myself can be quite the lazy ass whose discipline fails epically once in a while, i actually am a sucker for planning my days, making lists and striking those events out again which are done). Oh and yeah, the friggin' bureaucracy, of course. Germans are fucking crazy when it comes to bureaucracy. You would not believe how EVERY little shite needs a motion here. Whatever it is, it has to be on some piece of paper - what can be especially annoying at times.

„Germans are Nazis"
And here we have the Number 1 cliché. The Nazi-cliché. It's so stale that I actually had problems to believe that there are still people out there who could really think that way and seriously stand behind this belief until i made certain experiences that appear especially absurd if not even alarming to me.
I once got a note from an American kid which went like this:
„Hey man, i love your art and such but i wonder how come you're so good and if i'm allowed to like you since you're German? My parents told me that all Germans are Nazis/evil people, all of my family think that way and i wonder now if that is true?"

Imagine my face when i read that. At first i thought it was a joke, but it wasn't. It also wasn't the only note of that kind i got, there were many more. These were actual notes from  actual American kids, written and sent not fifty years ago but in this actual time. I was even more baffled when i found out some time later that some individuals in America (i dare say rednecks?) even think that we don't have electricity and running water over here. What.

I think i don't have to go much into detail here when i say that the „All Germans are Nazis, we still love Hitler and if you're a Jew you'll get killed here"-shite is not true. Far, far away from that. National Socialism and all its philosophies are stigmatised in Germany like nowhere else in the world and this for good reason. Don't believe me that? Then try the Nazi salute in public – people won't only give you an evil eye, they will actually lock you up in prison for that in no time. It's absolutely forbidden here and the contempt for those Neonazi-idiots who still roam out there is not only tremendous but nationwide.

Germany is a thankful victim when it comes to this cliché and it most likely always will be like that (thanks to that one single douchebag in the past with great brainwashing skills who provoked WW2). I only wonder why is it that a good bunch (yet thankfully not all) of  Americans are so fast in bitching about German History when their own History happens to be just as bloody? Wiping out Native Americans for example (an enormous genocide that easily bears comparison with the Holocaust when it comes to barbarism), or how about slavery...no one ever comes up with that for some reason. Just saying.

Yes, all of our forefathers made their mistakes. That doesn't mean that we would follow their footsteps.

„Germans have no national pride"
This one interfaces with the Nazi-thing in a sense. Compared to American Patriotism our „national pride" is indeed is pretty low if not to say non-existent – the only time you'll find German flags raised on private households is the World Cup season.
If you'd say something like „God Bless Germany" or „I'm proud to be German" you'd get weird looks here and as i said, it sorta lies in our past that blocks us to be all too enthusiastic about our country. Even though WW2 is over now for more than 60 years we're still very aware of it. What happened back then is nothing to be proud of, the opposite is the case and i think that Germany still didn't get away from that shame. Saying out loud you're proud to be German simply has a slight negative connotation and people just tend to be aloof. No one wants to be seen as a Nazi here.

Adding to that, i think that this also is a mere cultural difference. I don't know, but i for myself never thought that „national pride" is something that actually justifies „pride". Sure, i love my country, i love my native language and i am of course happy and sort of „proud" when i see that fellow countrymen like Beethoven, Goethe, Hans Zimmer and Christoph Waltz (though, he doesn't count really since he's Austrian :P) get their international critical acclaim, but why should i otherwise be proud to be born in a certain part of the world? It appears just as senseless to me as saying „I'm proud to be white" or something stupid like that - Blimey, I'm proud to be a world citizen, I'm proud to be an individual. That should do it.

„German Shepherd Dogs everywhere"
Nope. Germany is a cat nation, actually. ;) 12,3 million cats live in German households which makes the cat the Number 1 favourite pet in Germany. Dogs are only Number 2 with 7,4 million (it is especially crazy here where i live. Every third person living in our street has at least one cat). This last fact is more a fun fact but i thought you'd find this interesting since the German Shepherd Dog appears to be one of the most popular dog breeds in the States.

Anyway, that was my little journey through German stereotypes and clichés (and kudos to you if you made through the wall of text). Hopefully it was interesting to some of you (again, keep in mind that i always spoke of the average and drew from my own experiences. I never intended to lump together a whole nation, may it be the Germans, the Americans or anyone else. :))

Speaking of which – even though Germany has especially many stereotypes, other countries do so as well. What are the most annoying/common/amusing stereotypes of your country?

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